The Future of New Technology...And More of the Same

 

This past weekend was the electronics industry's most important time of the year..... where the "WOW" products of tomorrow are unveiled.....like the machine that helps Mahmoud Abbas appear like a moderate even when he is acting inflammatory.

 

By Jeff Dunetz

 

Each year, beginning with the Thursday after New Year's, manufacturers and retailers in the electronics industry make a four-day pilgrimage to Las Vegas for CES, the International Consumer Electronics  Show.

CES is the industry's most  important time of the year.  This show is where the "WOW" products of tomorrow are un-veiled. For the business participants, the show is serious business. It is the venue where manufacturers show off their best wares and unleash their best sales people upon key retailers to entice them to place huge orders for their establishments.  For the consumers in atten-dance, the show is an incredible experience where you can touch, try, and be totally awed by the latest and most revolutionary technology products.

Take for example the new electronic moderation simulator.  Originally prepared for Palestinian  Leader Mahmoud Abbas, this device allows a politician to appear moderate while using war-mongering phrases like "Zionist Enemy" in speeches (a phrase even mentor PLO leadership has refrained from using in the years after Oslo).  This product allows the user to embrace terrorist leaders and at the same time announce, "The day will come when the refugees return home," it allows him to promise protection for armed terrorists while still giving a warm and comfy impression of being a peacemaker to much of the world.

Another device to be previewed at CES is already quite popular with the United Nations. Called the MoneyWalks-Man, early reviewers have designated it as a wonder of modern technology.  It works like the transporter machine from Star Trek....but only has an effect on money.  To date this incredible machine has been used to transport UNRWA funds into the hands of Hamas terrorists and Iraqi oil for food dollars into the pocket of Kofi Annon's son  A recent modification of this product has allowed both the UN and  Reuters News  to completely wipe out any record of Israel's contribution to the Tsunami relief efforts.

The most impressive response at the show came at the BBC Optics booth.  The company unveiled a product created for those who share the BBC's taste for fantasy.  Hundreds of consumers waited for hours to try their image shifting sun-glasses. Advanced shipments of this product are already in use by the editorial boards of the NY and LA Times, and very popular with pundants such as Juan Cole noted History Professor at the University of Michigan.  What is so special about the BBC's product? They are rose-colored glasses that obstruct any image of terrorism perpetuated by Palestinians on Israeli civilians. Instead this miraculous device is able to substitute a video image of Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon beating President Bush's knuckles with a baby blue yard stick, forcing the leader of the free world to fall in line with the Likud point of view. (You know, come to think of it, you rarely see pictures of the president's hands).  For an extra fifty dollars the glasses come equipped with headphones which play a recording of NY Times Columnist Tom Friedman singing his favorite song, "Sharon is a Bully". Tom sings in a brilliant falsetto, reminiscent of Tiny Tim's "Tiptoe Through the Tulips."

Not wanting to be outdone by other areas of the world, a branch of European Union known as the Network of Joint Engineering Workers (also known by its initials NOJEW) displayed some of its cutting edge technology at the show. Perhaps the most commercial of its featured items is something calledDimension One.  This amazing creation has an advanced understanding of language. It senses whenever a speaker is about to present both sides of an issue and gives the orator a small electric shock as a warning that they are about to give a fair presentation (something EU governments work very hard to avoid, especially when discussing the Middle East). It has been reported that the EU has already received orders for this valuable product from many of the Middle Eastern Studies departments of American Universities, including Stanford and Columbia.

Along with the distribution at American Universities, this product is very popular amongst European Governments themselves. As a matter of fact it is so popular that many countries are developing their own Joint Engineering products. It seems that as a matter of public policy most European nations want NOJEWs of their own.